egotism equals suffering

 It occurs to me that some who know and care about me may be wondering about the results of the recent follow-up colonoscopy. The result is this: one polyp was found and removed. Was it cancerous?

Here's the thing: I didn't ask because it doesn't matter if it was. The doctor who performed the procedure didn't say because he wouldn't know. Standard protocol is to send polyps to a lab to find out if it has cancer cells. Even if it did, in my case, it changes nothing. They don't recommend chemo as a preventive treatment. Chemo is recommended when a type of cancer is present and so aggressive that it warrants poisoning your body in an attempt to kill cancer cells, with the hope of extending your quality of life for a year or more. 

I have already informed everyone that there is no circumstance that would make me do chemo. There is no greater quality of life possible for me, and I will not choose to diminish my current quality of life in the hope that I can get this present quality back after undergoing the torture of poison. 

There is no such thing as painless, convenient cancer treatment. 

There is, however, such a thing as effective pain relief and legal end of life options to terminate a terminal illness when pain becomes unbearable. Defining unbearable is a personal choice and inalienable right. 

In light of all of the above, I assume the polyp was cancerous. I had colon cancer. The tumor was removed and there were no traces of cancer cells in the margins or outside the colon. I think it is safe to assume that any polyp that might form in my colon from now on is cancerous. It changes nothing. As someone who had colon cancer, it is recommended that I get a colonoscopy more frequently, because of the statistical risk. 

I can say in hindsight that a colonoscopy is a much easier procedure than surgical intervention. It's much easier to find and remove polyps than it is to risk surgery and colostomy. Ask your doctor to refer you, or search your insurance network for a specialist who does colonoscopies in your area. Generally speaking, they are only recommended once every 10 years after age 50, unless you have risk factors that persuade your insurance provider that paying for a colonoscopy younger or more often is in their investors' best interest. 

American workers are a commodity. If you don't understand what that means, it means that your shared healthcare cost is decided by greedy selfish egomaniacs. But this is not the cause of suffering. 

All suffering is caused by egotism. Once the mind is free of the fantasy "I", everything is just what it is. This body has sensations. Some sensations tell the brain to stop or start an action as a means of altering the sensation. This body is a temporary experience. It was never intended to cause a permanent identity crisis. 

This message was brought to you by the Chan school of Buddhism. You're welcome. 

❤

Looking forward to my next Tiramisu